GOOD GIRLS DON’T IMPROVISE: POST #3
We are in our third cycle of classes in our women’s improv class at my school in NYC, Improvolution! There are now 12 and counting. I also gave a talk (the first of many to come!) at HB Studio in the Village on Sunday. There were 15 women present and both what hit me then, and has been so liberating in the class, is what happens when we see this Good Girl structure almost as an entity, person or voice outside of ourselves. To see and recognize that she is not who we are, but one of the many cultural constructs that make up who we are. It is no secret (as I wrote about in my last blog) that we are not merely made up of our psychological habits and conditionings – what we experienced as an individual growing up makes up a lot of who we are but does not explain everything. We are made up by the culture we come from and also values and patterns of thinking that have come before.
A story that I tell that now makes more sense to me is when I was in college (1986-1990), I had gone from St Louis, Missouri to Los Angeles, California. In St Louis, my values were pretty much the norm – I was proud to be from St Louis (Go Carninals!!!) and then as I got older, I was a true blue American (USA, 
Number ONE!) I cried every 4th of July. But after being in LA for only a few months, I remember walking on campus and this thought just popped in my head as clear as day, “I am a citizen of EARTH! Earth FIRST! One planet!!” I had absorbed the values of postmodernity that LA is rampant with and it felt like 
home!!! “I am independent, no one tells me what to do, this is my life and I can do what I want!” Perfect! And in a city full of the same, I fit right in. But then I went back to St Louis for Thanksgiving and at dinner, I had such a bizarre experience…I was getting dressed and had wanted to wear the most conservative, Little House on the Praire outfit I could find…??? And after dinner I was more than eager to clear the plates, do the dishes, and clean up after the men who, as usual, didn’t do much to help but make encouraging comments, as did the women,…”Oh Holly, you’re such a help. What a good girl.” And I ATE IT UP. And at the same time, I also had the voice screaming “Why aren’t thee men lifting a finger to help!!??? F*^(*#*()(@ men!!!” Yes, I felt crazy. But it also felt deeply RIGHT to clear the table and make coffee. Was I nuts? Well, maybe. But knowing there are different values and shoulds going on all the time, between postmodern, modern, and traditional also makes sense of this example.
Ok, so that all sounds fine but what does that have to do with improv? Well, when the pressure is on, when we’re in the unknown and not sure how best to navigate, there are suddenly a lot of different motives going on and the GOOD WOMAN often speaks the loudest. We can look at this deep panicky need to be perfect, to be seen as good, to be affirmed and told we’re doing it right, to feel competition with another woman who 10 seconds ago was a friend until a charismatic guy walks up…and when we can recognize it not as “just me”, something “I do” but that it IS the values, shoulds, and motives of a very specific structure WE AS WOMEN have, it gets a lot more interesting, less threatening, and also, not something anyone needs to spend a dime in therapy talking about. We don’t need to beat ourselves up for having these thoughts and feelings that at times feels both primitive and irrational. This GOOD GIRL structure isn’t ‘good’ or ‘bad’, it just is. But it’s only a problem when we’re unconscious to it or are trying to pretend it isn’t there. When something is made conscious, it is then not YOU anymore. It is seen and therefore, YOU are what is seeing it. That’s very good news. So when we see ourselves suddenly overcome with that ‘should’ voice, when we suddenly leave our bodies in a moment of insecurity or panic and begin to look outside of ourself to find out what to do next, we can now SEE that as a movement of the GOOD WOMAN. That is much more a UNIVERSAL response of ‘woman’ than it is a PERSONAL one that only ‘you’ do. And when we see THAT, we can begin to choose something else…more free, more authentic, and not concerned with what the GOOD WOMAN is concerned with…being perfect, right, and safe!
